


Outside

by SunKicks



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Also inspired by the Hunger Games lol, Angst, Brainwashing, Cult, Dystopia, Escape, Foster home, Gen, Graphic depictions of violence - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Midsommar and 1984, Isolation, Kidnapping, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sleep Deprivation, So many sad tags i’m sorry :(, Starvation, Violence, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29077770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunKicks/pseuds/SunKicks
Summary: A life off the grid. That’s all one could want.Right?—Or, Hinata is born into a cult.Raised being told about the horrors of the outside world, he endures tortures and cruelty knowing that it must be better than living outside.Until he is told differently.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 29





	1. Haru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fic i’ve started inspired loosely by the hunger games, 1948, and midsommar
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

A life off the grid. One could say that’s all they want.

A life away from modern society. No financial worries. No stress.

Just you, and nature.

Japan, 1930s. A man felt tired.

He couldn’t get on top, no matter how hard he worked.

And so he created a place, deep in the woods, away from society itself.

He was joined by others who had fallen for his charming nature.

In this place, he could be the elite. He could be the ruler.

Even at the expense of others.

So he surrounded himself by a wall, and never let anyone leave again.

He ruled with an iron fist and drowned himself in enough riches to pass to his descendants who took over ruling.

•••

2015: Aito’s reign.

_Don’t look your superiors in the eye._

_Keep your head bowed when walking on the paths._

_You get what you get, even if all you get is a piece of moldy bread._

_Nobody here is your friend. Nobody here is your family._

_You have no one._

_Don’t let them catch you trying to learn how to read or write._

_Don’t let them catch you singing. Or dancing. Or playing. Or laughing._

_Days should be spent working._

_Don’t try to communicate with the new arrivals until they have been educated._

_Don’t speak about the outside._

_Don’t go past the walls._

Words that frequently repeated in Hinata’s mind, for good reason too.

He’s seen what has happened to those who didn’t follow the rules.

The curtain separating his room from the living-room suddenly opened.

“Shouyou, they’re coming! Look presentable!” His mother whispered, throwing a pair of clothes at him and ushering his sister, Natsu, to the front-door.

Hinata quickly got dressed, ignoring his pounding heart. His nerves never went away, even after having gone through this everyday for his entire life.

The door was slammed open. They had no lock. Privacy was a privilege.

Two men walked in. Hinata tried to pay no mind to the guns held in their hands, and instead focused on the basket one man held onto.

“Ahh! Breakfast! Thank you so much!” His mother said grinning. She grabbed the basket and skimmed through it. Shouyou watched the smile fall from her face. “Is this...all?” 

The man furrowed his brows, and raised his gun higher. It was barely a noticeable difference, but life spent here meant Shouyou knew how to read the men’s body language.

“Are you critiquing grand Aito’s servings?”

His mother flinched.

“Absolutely not! Please forgive me! I would never critique Aito, he has given us so much!”

The guard’s expression remained the same, but his gun was lowered a fraction. 

Shouyou breathed a sigh of relief before watching the men leave to their regular spots patrolling the paths.

“Come kids, let’s eat.” 

His mother set the table while Shouyou helped.

He was finally able to see what food was brought for them to eat.

_A bowl of rice, and bread._

“That’s it?” Natsu’s eyes filled with tears.

His mother sighed before grabbing her own serving and walking away.

Shouyou quickly walked over to Natsu, rubbing her back to stop her from crying.

“Don’t worry Natsu! It’s enough!”

She shook her head. Her face was getting red and there were only 10 minutes left until they would have to leave to work. 

Shouyou couldn’t let them know she had been crying. She was only 9 but that wouldn’t stop them from putting her in ‘extra classes’ to learn her place. It wouldn’t stop them from withholding food from the family for teaching Natsu ‘bad values’.

Shouyou was a hyper kid. He had gotten in trouble plenty of times for being too energetic. Most of the time it hadn’t resulted in more than his food being taken away, or being beaten.

The consequences were painful, but they didn’t compare to when Shouyou was placed in those extra classes. He was only 9 years old and he had yelled at the food-bringers after seeing the pathetic amount of food given to his family. He was 12 now and has learned to never do it again.

“Please stop crying. Do you want my rice?” Shouyou began to add more rice to Natsu’s bowl but instead of crying less, Natsu began to cry more.

She was completely inconsolable. Shouyou looked over to his mother trying to get her to come over. He was ignored.

“Mom! Natsu won’t stop crying!”

There was no response.

“Natsu stop crying! You’re going to get us in trouble!”

Natsu wouldn’t stop crying.

Finally, Shouyou couldn’t resist. He knew he couldn’t risk the guards seeing Natsu cry.

He raised his hand, slapping Natsu and instantly putting a stop to her cries.

“Stop crying and eat! Do you want us to get in trouble?!”

His mother still hadn’t spoken.

The rest of the breakfast was spent in silence.

Right on time a loud bell rang.

“Natsu grab your bag, you need to get to class.” Shouyou looked left and right, paranoid someone would hear him before speaking again. “I’ll try to steal you some more food,” he whispered in Natsu’s ear before quickly leaving to go work.

He kept his head down, ignoring the guards lined up on the dirt path and heading over to the group of boys his age.

Today they would be working in the rice fields.

Shouyou watched the younger ones leave to class. He wished he was 9 again. Once you turned 10 you were forced to leave school and begin to work.

Shouyou hated working. He did so much, working almost 10 hours a day no matter the weather. He worked so much but he never got the products of his labor.

He was tired of it. This was exactly why he didn’t mind stealing tiny pieces of food and shoving them in his shoes, hardly noticeable unless you were looking closely. He would’ve preferred to keep them in his pockets but that would’ve been too risky. It was a common mistake, stuffing the food in your pockets. Shouyou had done that once and it fell out while he was walking home. He was instantly taken in by the guards for physical punishment before being sent home beaten. To make matters worse, he and his family were given no food for the next three days.

That was the only time Shouyou was caught taking food. Being caught three times called for execution, no matter the age. Shouyou remembered a protest had broken out after the execution a 7-year old boy with a habit of stealing. Shouyou was only 6 at the time and had never seen anything like it. It was a small protest, but it was the only one in the history of _Hogo._

The protesters were publicly shamed the next day and executed. That night Aito made sure everyone knew why stealing was such a heinous crime.

_“Out there beyond the walls, people had thought that thieves were nothing more than petty. Well look at them now. They are on fire for letting these crimes corrupt society. A thief has nothing good in their heart, it does not matter the age. If we allow thieves to remain here we will become like the outside. How many times have I told you about it? Our society is perfect the way it is and the way it should be. Outside thieves will rob your belongings and torture you before finally killing you.”_

Shouyou didn’t know what to believe. He knew the outside was dangerous and that if there was more crime they would all be destroyed. That was why they weren’t allowed to leave. But sometimes Shouyou was _hungry._

So he supposed that stealing a few pieces of bread here and there wouldn’t corrupt society too much.

They worked for hours before their break. They were all handed one piece of bread.

The guards all had tuna.

Shouyou’s stomach grumbled. He was about to eat the bread when he noticed a kid not too far from him.

His interest peaked. He had never seen him before. Shouyou was familiar with everyone in his age group. This kid was new.

The kid’s eyes and nose were red; he was obviously trying to hold back tears but was failing to.

_Why is he crying? This isn’t anything different._

Shouyou walked cautiously over to the kid, trying his best to not draw any attention to himself.

“What’s wrong? Did you hurt yourself?”

The kid flinched at his voice and looked up with his eyes-wide. It almost looked like he thought Shouyou was going to hurt him.

The kid hesitated slightly before shaking his head.

“Then what’s wrong?”

“Thi-this place is c-crazy. I want to go home.”

Shouyou noticed the strange way he pronounced his words. He had never heard anything like it before.

“Home? But you are home.”

The kid shook his head. He looked back and forth, making sure no guard was looking before whispering to Shouyou.

“I was camping with my parents. They killed them and brought me here. They tried to brainwash me and made me learn your weird language. I want to go home.”

He spoke frantically, trying to get all of his words in before the guards noticed them.

“Brainwash? Language? What are you talking about?”

“I mean—“

“What are you two doing?”

The kid gasped.

“U-um we were—“

“Talking about the harvest! It’s looking good!” Shouyou interrupted quickly avoiding eye-contact like he had been taught to do.

The guard scoffed.

“If I catch you speaking again you’ll be working an extra three hours.”

Shouyou waited until the guard walked away before speaking to the kid.

“Can we talk again tonight. Over here?”

“We’re not allowed to—“

“Sneak out when they’re not around. They always switch.”

Shouyou promptly walked away, completing his work in silence.

•••

The food-bringers arrived one last time with dinner. His mother grimaced once again at the pitiful amount of food. This time she stayed quiet.

Shouyou took out the extra food he had snuck once his mother went to bed. She would get mad to know he was risking them all for what was hardly anything.

“Here Natsu. I'm sorry for hitting you, but I got you some bread and corn!” 

Natsu squealed excitedly. They hadn’t had corn in so long so this for them was a delicacy, even if the cob was nearly half-eaten.

Once Natsu had finally fallen asleep, Shouyou snuck out once he got his chance. He knew that in the dead of night when everyone was expected to be asleep was when the guards switched, the ones who had been there the entire day being switched with the ones who would guard during the night. Shouyou and his friend had learned this a few years ago and used it to their advantage, sneaking out to play with each other with no punishment.

It was scary but Shouyou learned how to sneak around.

He quickly ran to the rice field where he would meet the kid who he hoped he would be there.

Surprisingly the kid was already there.

“Oh, you’re here. I’ve been so scared.”

Shouyou didn’t know what to say to comfort him. There was good-reason to be afraid, so instead he asked a question.

“What’s your name?”

“O-oh! It’s Haru! W-what’s yours?”

_He stutters a lot. He’s going to get in trouble eventually for that._

“My name is Shouyou.” Haru smiled at him shakedkly. Shouyou smiled back.

_He’s always scared. He’ll also get in trouble for that. But at least he’s nice._

“Tell me quickly. Why are you washing your brain? What’s language?”

Shouyou had heard the word language used at times in class. He understood the meaning, or at least he thought he understood the meaning. The teacher only said that word whenever someone said something bad.

Shouyou had never heard the term brainwashing before.

“Language is how you speak. I-I don’t speak your language naturally, I speak Japanese. Your language is like Japanese but it’s weird. Listen.”

Haru began to speak but Shouyou could hardly understand. It seemed like a lot of the words were the same but said weirdly. The order of the words also made no sense. Yet if Shouyou listened and thought hard enough, he could almost understand him.

“And b-brainwashing is not a-actually washing your brain. It’s-it’s like—I don’t know how to say it that well—like controlling your mind. Lying to you.”

Shouyou furrowed his brows.

“Lying? What’s the lie?”

Haru began to look frustrated.

“E-everything here! I w-want to go back home!”

Shouyou was confused. “W-what? Where’s your home?”

“It’s outside! In Tokyo!”

Shouyou couldn’t resist gasping.

“Tokyo’s dangerous! Outside is dangerous!”

“No it’s n-not! That’s brainwashing! They brainwashed you!”

It was impossible! Shouyou refused to believe it. He should’ve gotten up and left, going back to his unquestioned belief of the corrupt outside.

So why did Shouyou decide to stay?

“It’s impossible. The outside’s bad.”

“N-no! It’s bad here! Y-you can’t play here, you work all d-day, you c-can’t read or sing or d-do anything. You k-know they play music out loud outside?”

Shouyou didn’t answer. He shouldn’t have believed Haru so easily, but there was something with the way he spoke that had Shouyou listening intently. 

That had Shouyou believing Haru without a second thought.

“A-and there’s a lot of f-food outside too, and—“

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!”

The two gasped, looking up at the guards which quickly began to flood in, surrounding the two with their weapons raised.

Shouyou knew they couldn’t lie their way out of this one. 

He watched as a guard ran over, grabbing Haru by the collar of his shirt.

“WHAT ARE YOU TELLING THIS BOY!”

Haru couldn’t even respond. He had become hysterical, sobbing and screaming. Shouyou could see people discreetly watching them from their windows.

The guard quickly turned to him.

“AND YOU! WHAT ARE YOU DOING LISTENING TO THIS BOY!” 

Haru was thrown to the ground.

“You! This is a crime punishable by death!” 

Haru looked over at Shouyou desperately before his hands were placed in chains and he was forced to look away.

“And you!”

Shouyou couldn’t breathe. He had messed everything up. He was going to be killed now. He wouldn’t see Natsu anymore, or his mom. He wouldn’t see his friends.

_He wouldn’t have to work all day with no food._

“You must be re-educated! Do not believe the lies this criminal has told you.”

A bell rang. Guards ran outside of houses, screaming at everyone to get out.

Haru was dragged over to the edge of the cliff. Shouyou was dragged after him. 

Soon everyone had left their houses and had all gathered behind Haru.

The guards screamed out Haru’s crimes but Shouyou couldn’t listen.

Haru and him made eye-contact. Shouyou had expected to see fear, and sadness in those eyes.

But instead, Shouyou saw acceptance. Haru smiled slightly, a strange sight with his eyes that were horribly red from crying.

Maybe he was making it up, but Shouyou swore that Haru was communicating with him. That they had come to an agreement.

Even as Haru was pushed ruthlessly off the cliff, a fall he could never survive.

Even as Shouyou was chained and brought over to a building which would soon be responsible for ‘teaching’ him.

Shouyou knew he would do what he could to escape.

It didn’t matter what good things he was told about Hogo and Aito, and what bad things he had been told about the outside.

Though Shouyou couldn’t say why, and maybe it would turn out to be nothing but false hope, but he believed in everything Haru told him.

The outside had to be better than this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and constructive criticism are appreciated! I’m quite new to writing so sorry if some things sound weird, I’m trying to improve😅
> 
> poor haru :(


	2. Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I actually followed through with a schedule!!??!?
> 
> Sorry this is a shorter chapter 😅 I hope you like it anyways :)
> 
> Please beware of the warnings! There are some depictions of violence, gore, etc. It’s not very graphic but if that still affects you then please read with caution

He was surrounded.

Concrete walls stood on every side of him. A door in front of him taunted him, filling him with false hope. It offered him a means of escape. Placing it so close in front of him he could almost grasp it before ripping it out of reach. Locks, not just one but multiple lined up on the door destroyed any hope he had of getting out.

There was no bed, no chair, no blanket, nothing. All there were two buckets; one that served as a toilet, the other which gave him water to drink.

Starving him was okay but dehydrating him was too far. They didn’t want to kill him.

He was alone and exhausted. It had been so long since he last ate. So long that he couldn’t even muster up the strength to sit up.

He was so hungry.

And so tired.

Every time he tried to fall asleep bright flashing lights blared in his room making sure to keep him awake.

He was being watched, the camera in the corner of the room interrupting the dreary gray of the concrete walls.

His eyes began to close. Suddenly lights flashed across his room jolting him awake.

A whine left his throat. He was going to die. He probably already was dying.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He repeated. 

Was he sorry? He didn’t even know anymore.

•••

“Shouyou.”

A whisper. One so faint Shouyou could barely hear it.

“Shouyou.”

That voice sounded so familiar. He didn’t move his gaze from the floor. The amount of energy it would take for him to move was too much. Shouyou had no energy left.

“Shouyou.”

But the voice was so familiar.

He couldn’t resist any longer.

He looked up, only to see someone he hadn’t seen in over three years.

“Dad?”

His father smiled.

Shouyou closed his eyes tightly and shook his head.

_It’s not real. He’s dead._

When Shouyou looked up again he was gone, and Shouyou was left alone.

•••

He was so hungry. He had resorted to eating anything he could find. The cockroach that wandered the floor, the mosquitos that flew around him almost as if predicting what he was sure to be his upcoming death. When there were no bugs left to eat he resorted to picking the skin off his fingers. It wasn’t anything but the familiar chewing and swallowing motions were almost enough to fool him into thinking that he was full.

He still had yet to get a full night's rest. He did manage to fall into an uneasy nap in spite of the lights.

Yet, the nap barely did anything. He lacked the strength to even sit up. Sometimes his vision blacked out entirely when he moved too quickly.

Oh well, a short nap was better than nothing.

•••

For the first time since he had been thrown into this room, the door opened.

A woman walked in. Shouyou didn’t have the energy to look beyond her heels.

_The longer he looked the more her heels looked like knives. Maybe he could just…_

_No! That would get him killed and Shouyou wanted to…_

Suddenly, hope bloomed into his chest. He may have forgotten temporarily but Shouyou finally remembered why he was enduring this torture.

_He was going to escape. They could isolate him, starve him, sleep-deprived him for as long as they wanted. Shouyou was going to see Tokyo, even if it’s the last thing he does in his life._

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of something hitting the floor.

Bread. The women had dropped bread just out of his reach. 

She was taunting him. It was so close but he couldn’t muster up the energy to grab it.

“Is Aito your savior?”

“Huh?” Shouyou hadn’t expected the question.

The woman tsked. Shouyou looked up slightly the see absolute disgust on her face.

“Is Aito your savior?”

Oh. He knew what she wanted him to say.

“Yes.”

“Then say it. Say you will never leave Hogo for the outside. Tell me that Aito is your savior and that you will follow his every word.”

Shouyou didn’t hesitate. He was smarter than that.

“I will never leave Hogo for the outside. Aito is my savior. I follow his every word.”

She watched him for a second, maybe to see if he was lying or maybe to see if he’d retract his statement.

Finally, she nodded satisfied before kicking the bread at him.

“Would you have gotten this bread outside?”

Shouyou knew how this game worked.

“No. There’s nothing outside that matches Aito’s kindness.”

The woman smiled a cruel smile before finally leaving the room.

•••

The cycle repeated. The same woman walked in every time, telling him to pledge to Hogo and Aito. Shouyou obeyed her every time.

Soon the food progressed from bread to rice to soup.

His energy had mostly returned. He was able to walk around the room without getting exhausted now. He did this for most of the day; pacing around to relieve his boredom.

They had finally let him sleep now. Though they still kept him awake every other day, Shouyou was no longer as exhausted as he was.

The words he was forced to say surprisingly ended up having a stronger influence on Shouyou than he had expected.

The only thing that kept him from believing his words was the conversation that constantly played in his mind. The last conversation he had had with Haru.

_This is brainwashing. This is brainwashing. The outside is good. Tokyo is good. Hogo is bad. Aito is bad._

It was getting harder to believe this, but something about Haru gave Shouyou full faith in the outside. Maybe it was because they were the same age. Maybe it was Haru’s endearing stutter or the genuine fear Shouyou saw in him.

It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Shouyou knew that whatever he was told about the outside was a lie.

Shouyou had been fed lies his whole life. He wouldn’t let anyone lie to him again.

•••

Shouyou had no idea how long it had been before he was finally led out of his cell.

He was grateful. He knew he shouldn’t have been, but he couldn’t help but feel so grateful to finally be let out of that room. Shouyou loved to move. He loved to run and spin and jump, things he could barely do in the cell.

He still couldn’t run or jump, but at least he was able to walk farther than he had ever been able to in the cell.

He was led out of his cell into a dark classroom occupied by only a woman.

Shouyou felt his blood boil at the sight of her. She carelessly ate a sandwich, something Shouyou had only eaten once in his life. She wasn’t stick-thin like he was; she was obviously well fed.

While she sat here eating, Shouyou had been starving not so long ago. He was still hungry, but he had grown used to it. He had lived life accepting that he would always live life never feeling completely satisfied. That he would always live life having to endure an empty stomach.

 _“A-and there’s a lot of f-food outside too, and_ —

Now he knew that was a lie.

On the wall in front of him was something he had never seen before.

The woman must have sensed the confusion on his face.

“Do you know what this is?”

Shouyou shook his head.

“This is a projector. Aito is so kind as to have given us one, isn’t that right?”

Shouyou voiced his agreement despite not knowing what a projector was. All he had to do was act the role and then he could be released.

“He’s even given a projector to every class in school. Believe me, when I tell you this, there is no one on the outside who would do this for you. Absolutely no one.”

_Haru’s voice played on repeat in Shouyou’s mind. “That’s brainwashing. They brainwashed you.”_

Before Shouyou could respond she continued.

“Sit down.” 

Shouyou flinched. Her voice suddenly changed from adoring to cold. He knew she saw him as nothing more than the dirt on her feet. He quickly sat down at the desk in the center of the room.

The woman smiled, a smile anything but kind.

“Let’s begin.” The woman grabbed something Shouyou had never seen before walking behind him.

Shouyou kept his eyes on the front of the room. He knew that’s what was expected of him. Even as he heard a drawer open and close behind, even as he felt his muscles tense in apprehension, he kept looking forwards.

Suddenly something appeared on the board. 

“Do you know who this is?”

Shouyou couldn’t answer. Fear had frozen him.

Suddenly he felt a searing pain as a whip struck his back.

“Answer when you are spoken to!”

Shouyou inhaled shakily.

“It’s Haru.”

Haru’s corpse shone on the board. Dried blood pooled around him, his limbs bent awkwardly.

Shouyou looked away, redirecting his focus to a spider web present in the corner of the room.

_How complex are webs? Shouyou could faintly see a spider on the web. How would it feel to be a spider living in a web? From what he’s seeing, Shouyou would prefer to just be a spider. Even if it meant he ended up getting stepped on. It would be better than this._

Another burst of pain exploded behind him as he was struck once again with the whip.

The woman behind him grabbed his hair, digging her nails into his head and forcing him to look at the board.

“Do not look away! Look at that photo! Do you not see what the outside does to you? This is what the outside does.”

Images flashed across the screen. Corpses, blood, decapitated heads, amputated limbs.

Shouyou couldn’t fight back his sobs.

The woman’s hand remained on his head forcing him to look.

“This is what the outside has done! All of these lives lost because of the outside!”

The screen suddenly went blank and was quickly replaced by a whip repeatedly striking his body.

“You feel that pain! Imagine that tenfold!”

The woman continued to rant spit flying from her mouth as she proceeded to scream about the dangers of the outside.

Suddenly she stopped.

“Do you want to leave Hogo?”

“NO!”

And for the first time since he had arrived, Shouyou truly believed what he was saying.

Nurses came in to wrap his wounds, all while telling him that this was only possible because of Aito.

They gave him so much food that Shouyou for once in his life felt full. 

They let him sleep on a bed, an actual one with a mattress that he sunk into when he rested. It was nothing like the slab he had at home that felt more like concrete than an actual bed.

And every time they asked him if he wanted to leave, Shouyou answered no without even thinking twice.

He tried to resist. He repeated what Haru had told him in his mind.

_This is brainwashing. In Tokyo, you can sing, listen to music, eat, read, play._

But the more he told himself this, the less he believed it.

•••

Shouyou was deep in sleep when he was suddenly awoken by a door slamming open.

A guard stood outside the door. 

“Your time in here’s over. Get up.”

Shouyou rushed to get out of bed, not wanting to anger the guard.

He smiled discreetly. It had felt like so long since he had last seen his family. He especially missed Natsu deeply.

He felt satisfied. He wasn’t hungry for once, his wounds had healed, he was well-rested.

What more could he ask for?

_Is the outside better than this?_

Shouyou wasn’t so sure anymore.

He wanted to say no. Ater everything he had seen that day on the board, he wanted to never think about Tokyo again.

But Haru’s words had ingrained themselves into his mind. The way he described Tokyo was everything Shouyou had ever dreamed about.

So Shouyou had decided on one thing. He would give himself some time.

Maybe Haru’s words were just a lie?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was good! Please leave any comments, they really make my day.
> 
> I’m new to writing so if you have any criticism I’d appreciate that a lot :)


	3. Repression

“I am so sorry for his behavior! I have no idea what came over him, please believe me! Thank you for disciplining him!” His mother rambled on with her head bowed. 

The guard scowled at her before pushing Shouyou into the house and turning away. His mother watched him leave and once he was out of sight she turned to him,

And slapped him.

“Shouyou! What were you thinking!” Her eyes were filled with tears. Shouyou had never seen it before, but he could now. The stress and fear she wore on her face. The way her cheeks were hollowed and the way Shouyou could slightly see her ribs through her t-shirt.

“I—“

“No! You weren’t thinking!” She was full-on crying now. “You could’ve been killed! Just like that kid! You’re so lucky they gave you mercy, don’t you forget it!”

“I’m sorry!”

His mother stared at him as if she were questioning whether to forgive him or not. Finally, after a minute of deliberation, she rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around him.

“Did you learn your lesson?”

Shouyou fought back tears that threatened to escape. Images of blood and death flashed through his mind.

He nodded his head too scared of crying if he were to open his mouth.

“Good. Natsu missed you, you know. Now go to bed, you may be able to get some rest before breakfast.”

Shouyou went straight to his bed, walking quietly to not awaken Natsu who was asleep in the bed next to his. Even in bed, he stayed wide awake. He had gotten so used to the comfortable mattress. His pathetic cot paled in comparison. 

Every time Shouyou tried to close his eyes, images bombarded his mind forcing his eyes open again.

_Haru dead on the floor. The sound of a whip. Photos of death so graphic Shouyou felt like he could smell it. The cell he had been trapped in. There was no food, and he was so hungry. The bugs he had been forced to feast on._

_But then they wrapped his wounds? They gave him food and a comfortable bed._

_There was even one moment when Shouyou started to cry. He just couldn’t resist it. He stopped instantly once he noticed the people in front of him._

_Yet, instead of punishing him, one nurse rubbed his back gently, soothing him._

_“Hogo is your home. It is your protector. Be grateful.”_

Shouyou got up. He wouldn’t be able to sleep. He’d have work soon anyway.

He clenched his fist, irritation blooming in his chest. He hated working.

_If I left to the outside, would I still have to work?_

He couldn’t help but ask himself this question. Haru had told him that outside you didn’t work all day but Shouyou wasn’t sure what to believe anymore. Before, he had been so sure he was going to escape. Now he didn’t know.

Sunbeams were beginning to peek into the room giving the room a golden glow. From his window, Shouyou could see the muddy dirt paths and the puddles surrounding the nearby buildings. It must have rained quite heavily last night; he hadn’t even noticed 

Shouyou still hadn’t slept but strangely he didn’t feel tired at all. He opted to get dressed, not wanting to waste any more time. Through his dingy mirror, he caught a faint glance of the raised scars on his back, and shoulders. He squeezed his eyes shut, his heart hammering in his chest.

_“This is what the outside does to you.”_

_Stop thinking about it!_

All of a sudden, a loud bang resonated through the room as the front door slammed open. He knew that the guards had arrived with food.

Normally, Shouyou would have chosen to accompany his mother but today he wasn’t in the mood. He turned to Natsu, gently pressing on her shoulder to get her to wake up.

“Natsu,” he whispered, “time for breakfast.”

Natsu suddenly jumped awake, her eyes opened wide. She looked around the room.

“Breakfast!”

Shouyou shushed her, he could still hear the guard outside the room. He nodded his head, a slight smile making its way onto his face. Natsu always made him smile.

_But you wanted to leave her?_

He fought the urge to shake his head.

_If I’m escaping, I’m going to bring her with me._

Finally, he heard the front-door close; his cue to leave the room.

He grabbed onto Natsu’s hand, making his way to the small dining table. 

“Good-morning mom!” Natsu shook his handoff and ran to their mom, planting a kiss on her cheek.

“Good-morning Natsu,” his mother smiled softly, not bothering to hide the stress in her eyes.

There was hardly enough food for the three of them.

Shouyou realized something. He was still full from the day before. He had eaten foods he had never even seen before. Even when he was no longer hungry, he ate knowing that he may never be able to eat like that again. He ate so much his stomach had begun to hurt.

He silently wondered if in Tokyo he’d be able to like that again.

“Mom, have you heard of Tokyo?” The question slipped from his mouth before he could stop it.

His mother furrowed her eyebrows. Instead of the anger he had expected to see, he only saw confusion. 

“Tokyo? I can’t say I’ve heard of it. What is it?”

Oh, Shouyou wasn’t expecting that. Though, he couldn’t say he was surprised; he had never heard of Tokyo either before speaking to Haru. He had only ever heard it he referred to as ‘the outside’.

“Oh, I don’t know. That’s why I was asking you.” Shouyou wasn’t sure why he lied. Maybe he didn’t want to get in trouble again. Maybe he didn’t believe Haru any more. 

If at all possible, his mother began to look even more concerned but she didn’t ask any more questions, instead choosing to slide a plate of food over to him.

Shouyou looked at all three plates of food. He knew it would hardly give them enough energy to make it until the next meal without fainting.

“I’m not that hungry mom. You can have my food.” Hinata grinned, trying to quell his mother’s nerves which were bound to rise.

“Shouyou. You need to eat.”

“I’m not hungry. I already ate before.”

Shouyou could see his mother clench her hands. It reminded him of the woman back in the classroom. He fought back a flinch.

“That was last night. You need to eat now.”

“I can take his food mom!” Natsu piped in eagerly.

“Yes, Natsu! Take my food! I don’t want it.”

“Shouyou, Natsu,” his mother glared at the both of them, almost daring them to continue. 

Natsu bowed her head and wisely chose to continue eating instead of fighting back.

Shouyou, despite being older, wasn’t as obedient.

“At least take some of the food. I’m not hungry.”

“What is up with you Shouyou? You’ve been acting strange. Are you okay?”

“I’m just not hungry.”

“How can you—“

“I’m not hungry!”

Her eyes widened at his tone.

“Fine,” before Shouyou could apologize she had already taken a portion of his food, dividing it between her and Natsu. She sighed at the amount he was left with. “You better not faint.”

Shouyou nodded, satisfied. He had achieved his goal.

Now it was just a matter of making it through the day with little food. It wasn’t anything new to him. He had even eaten the day before making this day a better day to forgo earning than some others.

They ate promptly after that, finishing before the bell.

Shouyou sent Natsu off to make their bed before he began to help his mother clean.

“I’m sorry.”

Shouyou looked up at his mother, not expecting to hear her talk.

Her eyes stared back at his, large and filled with so much turmoil, Shouyou had to look away. It vaguely reminded him of Haru’s eyes before he—

_Stop thinking about him. All he’s given you is trouble._

_But Haru only wanted to help—_

_Stop!_

“For what?”

Her eyes began to tear up.

“It’s my fault they hardly give us food. If I was able to work I know they’d give us a little more, but I can’t. I’m so sorry.”

Oh. That's what she was sorry about.

She hadn’t been able to work since damaging her knee a few years ago while working, ironically.

She had worked so hard, knowing that those families who worked the most were given the most food, yet it screwed her over in the end. Now she wasn’t able to work at all. She could barely stand for longer than a few minutes at a time.

Shouyou knew that was why they were given such pitiful amounts of food. 

You were useless if you couldn’t work.

Shouyou sighed.

“Mom, I don’t—“ The morning bell abruptly interrupted him. Shouyou jumped at the sound, not expecting it.

His mother wiped her eyes. “Well, off you go. You don’t want to be late right?”

Shouyou shook his head. 

He took one last glance at his mother before leaving the house, hand-in-hand with Natsu.

His mother stayed seated, her head in her arms. Shouyou could see slight gray hairs, prominent amongst the sea of black. Even from where he was he could see the way her shoulders stayed tense; could hear the slight sniffles that she tried to keep hidden but ultimately couldn’t.

He looked away.

•••

Shouyou was in pain.

His bones ached, his hand had already formed deep calluses that would no doubt pop before the sunset. Every move Shouyou made made him feel like his lungs were collapsing on top of one another. His heart contracted painfully as desperate breaths escaped his mouth.

He had no idea how difficult it would be to begin working again. He had never been so jealous of Natsu. Though from what he remembered of school days, they were very dull. Just hours spent being told the same things: “The outside is bad. Hogo and Aito are good.”

There was only one-day Shouyou could remember to be interesting. He could even say that the day had started fun.

_He remembered entering class the way he had always been taught to. In a single-file line with his hands behind his back and his eyes facing the ground. He had been scolded plenty of times for making eye-contact, something that seemed as natural to him as breathing. Now he knew better and forced himself to look down, even if his instincts screamed at him to look up._

_He had made it to his desk and was surprised to hear the slight tilt of excitement in his teacher’s voice when she had begun speaking. Her voice was regularly cold and empty, a perfect companion to her dreadful personality, but at that moment her voice almost made her seem...pleasant?_

_“Today a very special guest is visiting us,” she had said. Shouyou could almost hear her smile._

_They had been made to wait in complete silence for some time before voices coming from outside the classroom signifi_ ed the guest’s arrival.

_Shouyou had instantly recognized the guest when made it to the front of the room._

_“Class, let’s all give Aiko an honorable greeting.”_

_Aiko: Aito’s son and future leader of Hogo._

_Shouyou had never seen him in-person and was shocked to see that they appeared to be the same age._

_If Aiko had been a bit skinnier, Shouyou believed he’d fit right in with the rest of his class._

_That day was spent with Aiko speaking to them. The teacher told them it was so he could learn who his new subjects would be when he someday took over. They had even been permitted to ask questions, so long as they were deemed ‘respectable’._

_One kid raised his hand to ask a question. Shouyou recognized the kid’s name to be Itsuki. Itsuki was quiet and most of the class avoided him, Even Shouyou, as talkative as he was, had hardly ever spoken to him. He had terrible vision, constantly walking into objects and stepping on people’s feet, though that didn’t seem bother everyone as much as his habit of spitting when he spoke did._

_“Can you read?” Itsuki had asked, his voice was louder than Shouyou had ever heard before._

_His teacher gasped._

_“That is an inappropriate—“_

_“Yes, I can,” Aiko interrupted Shouyou’s teacher, something Shouyou could never imagine doing. “I’ve been able to read since I was 6. Can’t you?”_

_Itsuki shook his head._

_“We’re not allowed to. I wouldn’t be able to see the letters anyways.”_

_Shouyou could see his teacher out of the corner of his eye. Her eyebrows were furrowed, her jaw was clenched. She was furious, but she wouldn’t dare interrupt Aiko’s conversation._

_“Why don’t you have glasses?” Aiko had asked._

_“What are glasses?”_

_“ITSUKI!” His teacher shouted abruptly, ending the conversation._

_Itsuki jumped, a slight wince escaping his mouth. Aiko had also jumped alongside him, gasping at the teacher’s tone._

_“Itsuki, leave the room. I will speak to you soon.”_

_Itsuki had left, crying silently to not get into even more trouble._

_After that, no one had been able to muster up the bravery needed to ask another question._

_That was until Aiko had taken out a snack. It had been foreign to Shouyou. The same could be said for the rest of the class who furrowed their eyebrows in confusion at the strange snack._

_Shouyou couldn’t resist his question. His mother had always told him that chattering was in his nature. He was naturally talkative and though he had successfully learned to repress his energy out of fear of getting in trouble, there were times when Shouyou couldn’t hold back._

_“What is that?”_

_“Shouyou—“ his teacher began._

_Aiko looked up from his snack, confused at the question._

_“What is what?” He asked, interrupting his teacher a second time._

_Shouyou internally felt glee at that._

_“What are you eating?”_

_“It’s a cookie. You’ve never had one? I eat one every night with milk before going to bed.”_

_“Can I try?” Shouyou’s curiosity peaked and Aiko seemed nice enough._

_Aiko nodded, grabbing an extra cookie from his bag and leaving it on his desk. Before Shouyou could try it, his teacher had already snatched it off his desk._

_“Aiko, I do not think your father would permit this.”_

_“But it’s just a cookie.“_

_“Our time here is up. Your father should be waiting for you,” she gestured to the guards waiting outside of the classroom._

_“I will be telling my dad about this!” Aiko furrowed his eyebrows and left the room angrily._

_When he was no longer in sight, Shouyou’s teacher turned to him._

_“Shouyou, go outside. I will speak to you soon.”_

Shouyou shook his head, redirecting his attention to the weeds he had to pull out.

He tried to forget about that day, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t stop thinking about it.

He was _mad_. Why did Aiko get to learn how to read? Why does he get to eat cookies and drink milk? Why doesn’t he get in trouble for interrupting?

He knew Aiko was more valuable than him, but why? From what he had seen that day, Aiko was just like every other child in that class. Even now, though Aiko was not as kind as he had once been and it had become clear that he viewed himself as more important than everyone else, Shouyou would never forget how he had acted that one day in class.

Aiko was naturally kind just like Shouyou was naturally talkative. Had Aiko been forced to repress his generosity just like Shouyou had been forced to repress his energy.

_“That’s brainwashing.”_

Shouyou shook his head and went back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
> I didn’t get to review this chapter as much so there may be some grammar issues/typos. If anyone notices any I’d appreciate them telling me, especially if it’s very distracting.
> 
> I try to update every Wednesday :)


	4. Isolation

The others were ignoring him.

Shouyou hadn’t realized it at first. They weren’t normally allowed to talk while working, though they still did quietly anyways. They especially spoke to Shouyou. He was talkative and making friends came easy to him.

So though it was a little out of the ordinary that no one came to speak to him while working, it didn’t worry Shouyou.

That was until break time came and not a single person walked up to him.

Not even Izumi had come up to him, and Shouyou considered Izumi his very best friend. It was part of their daily routine to converse during break time; they’d watch the bugs crawling around the dirt or finger-wrestle. They’d just do anything to pass the time.

Izumi hadn’t come up to speak to Shouyou, so instead, Shouyou made his way over to him.

“Izumi!” He whispered-shouted from behind him, making him flinch.

Izumi looked over to Shouyou. A look of surprise washed over his face, but he quickly covered it.

“Hinata?” Izumi asked, his mouth full of bread reminding Shouyou of the bread in his back pocket. He hadn’t eaten yet, too worried over the fact that everyone had seemed to ignore him.

“Izumi! How are you?”

Izumi looked around hesitantly. Shouyou followed his gaze but nothing popped out to him. “I’m um—I’m fine. How are you?”

“I’m good,” Shouyou momentarily forced a smile before dropping it. He could trust Izumi with anything. “I have a question for you.”

Izumi raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything further, urging Shouyou to proceed.

“Is it just me or does it seem like everyone’s ignoring me?”

Izumi hesitated. 

Shouyou frowned. “Nobody’s tried to talk to me at all today. What did I do? Did I do anything wrong?”

“Hinata…” Izumi sighed. “It’s just—you spoke to that kid—“

“Haru?”

“Don’t say his name!” Izumi shouted, looking around frantically. Once he had determined that no one had heard them, he continued. “That kid was an outsider. He was dangerous. He spoke to you about the outside too, which,” Izumi faltered, a grimace crossing his face, “also makes you dangerous.”

_ Oh _ .

“W-what?! I’m not dangerous! I went to classes, I’m better now!”

Izumi pinched the bridge of his nose.

“It doesn’t matter! You still spoke about the outside to an outsider! How do we know you’re not lying? You’re dangerous!”

Shouyou could feel his eyes burn as he tried holding back his tears. It was no use, they fell from his eyes freely, blurring his vision slightly. He had always been a crier.

“I’m not—“

“GET BACK TO WORK!” A guard hollered at them.

“Izumi…” Hinata started to say.

“Stop! We need to go back to work!” Izumi walked away. Shouyou watched him leave, feeling numb inside. He had done everything right. He was nice to people; he spoke to them and played games with them. Now he was being shunned because he dared to speak to Haru.

The only thing he hated more than being alone was being ignored. Shouyou shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. 

He’ll fix this. 

The barbed wire surrounding the perimeter caught his eye.

How would he be able to escape? Could he dig a hole? Or maybe climb it with a blanket? Shouyou wasn’t sure he had any blankets, he’d have to look. 

_ What are you talking about? Why do you want to leave? The outside’s dangerous. _

Despite this, Shouyou couldn’t get Haru’s words out of his head. The way he described Tokyo...It made Shouyou long to see it one day.

He looked back at the barbed fence.

He’d have to bring Natsu and his mom. Would they even want to come?

Maybe if he told them about Tokyo they’d come?

Shouyou thought back to the way his mother reacted when he returned from classes.

Yeah, maybe he wouldn’t be able to convince his mother to join. But, he was sure he’d be able to convince Natsu.

Suddenly, Shouyou felt a sharp pain explode in his back.

He looked behind him to find the source of the pain.

A rock.

Shouyou could see a guard creeping closer to him. He looked much younger than the others, the mischievous look on his face made him look even younger. Despite his youth, he was much taller than Shouyou. His shoulders were broad, his muscles were visible even below his top.

And in his arms were a handful of rocks.

“What are you doing watching me? Get back to work.” His voice carried a joking tone and his smirk almost made Shouyou roll his eyes.

He took one last worried glance at the rocks before turning around and going back to work.

Just as he had expected, pain exploded in his back not even 10 seconds later. A wince escaped his mouth. He turned around to see the same guard.

Shouyou urged to shout at him; to pick up the rock and throw it right back.

He resisted, choosing instead to clench his fists and bite his tongue.

Like he was always expected to do. Stand down, obey.

He was tired of it.

“I knew you all were fucking stupid, but I didn’t think one would be stupid enough to ruin his life by talking to an outsider,” the guard laughed cruelly, his perfect teeth infuriated Shouyou. It didn’t fit him. He should have had, no, he  _ deserved _ rotting teeth. “Are you going to respond?”

Shouyou hesitated before speaking up.

“It was a mistake. I just wanted to make a friend.”

The guard laughed as if Shouyou was an old friend telling a joke, before throwing another rock at him. Shouyou didn’t dare to flinch or dodge it

“Who here really has friends?” The guard smirked. “Get back to work,” he said at last before walking away.

Shouyou scowled. He couldn’t bring himself to care if someone saw.

The weight in his chest wouldn’t let him relax, even after he had gone back to work. His breaths didn’t come evenly, his anger feeling like a hand on his throat.

Squeezing. Cutting off all circulation. Killing him.

Hogo was killing him. Shouyou was sure of it.

•••

Natsu had left the school building, head lowered with no pep in her step as usual. It was so unlike her, any other day she would have left the building jogging with the brightest smile Shouyou had ever seen on her face, only lowering her head in the presence of guards. But now, though there were no guards around, Natsu kept her head down.

Even as they walked home, Natsu did not raise her head once

Something was wrong.

As they entered the house, Natsu quickly ran into their shared bedroom. Shouyou chased after her.

“Natsu! What‘s wrong!”

The only response Shouyou heard as he entered the room was the sound of cries escaping her mouth. Natsu laid on her bed, head buried in her pillow.

Shouyou inched closer to her, gently rubbing her back as she cried.

“What happened?” He asked softly. She shook her head, refusing to answer.

“Shouyou, I’ll talk to her.” Shouyou jumped at the sound of his mother, having been so distracted he hadn’t realized her watching them from the doorway.

“She’s not talking!”

“Shouyou, I’ll get her to talk.” Her gaze left no room for debate. Shouyou left the room, his stomach-turning. Memories from the day flashed through his mind.

_ You’re dangerous! _

He shook his head, forcing himself to think of something else. He could hear the muffled voices of Natsu and his mother. He didn’t even try to decipher their words, he didn’t even think about it. At some point, he even stuck his fingers in his ears, trying to muffle the voices that almost felt like an invasion of privacy.

Finally, the bedroom door opened, revealing only his mother. Shouyou caught a small glance from behind her of Natsu sleeping

“What’s wrong with her?”

His mother silently walked over to the table, gesturing at Shouyou to sit.

“What—“

“She’s being bullied.”

Shouyou furrowed his brows. He had seen the occasional kid be shoved, he had heard insults muttered to the strange kids. Normally these kids would be shy, the exact-opposite of Natsu. Either way, bullying was such a rare occurrence Shouyou had practically never seen it in school. The only bullying he regularly saw was from the officers towards the students.

“Bullied?”

She nodded.

“Did she say why?”

Shouyou could see his mother’s gaze rapidly change from sorrow to unsure.

“N-no. She didn’t.”

That stutter told Shouyou everything he needed to know. His mother hardly ever stuttered. Her words were gentle but clear. Soft but stern.

“You’re lying.” He was tired of his mother treating him like a baby. He was not a baby anymore, he could deal with just about anything.

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are! Stop treating me like a baby, just tell me!”

“It’s nothing!”

“No, it’s not!”

“You listen to me! I’m your mother!”

“Then tell me!”

His mother threw her hands up in exasperation. “It’s because of you!”

Shouyou couldn’t resist flinching. He could see now how tired his mother looked. Her under-eyes stood out starkly from the rest of her face. Her cheeks were hollowed and her mouth was turned downward in a frown. Now that Shouyou thought about it, he couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his mother truly smile.

“What do you mean?”

“She told me that the kids were making fun of her because her brother is supposedly an outsider.” His mother spit out the words, as if it tasted disgusting. As if she couldn’t bear the thought of her son being an ‘outsider’.

“But I’m not! I’m not dangerous! That’s what everyone’s been telling me, but I’m not!”

His mother’s eyes softened. Her lips quirked up for a second before falling back down, as if maintaining a smile took far too much effort to even try.

“I know you're not.”

_ He wanted to leave. _

The feeling grew stronger as they ate. The meal size had to have been cut in half, Shouyou practically finished the meal in three bites.

The feeling grew even stronger when he realized Natsu hadn’t left their room.

_ He wanted to go outside. _

The feeling grew too strong for him to hold back anymore.

_ He wanted to go to Tokyo. He needed to go to Tokyo. He was going to die here, he was sure of it. Someone was going to kill him. He was going to starve. _

_ He needed to leave. _

“Mom.”

“Yes, Shouyou?”

Shouyou took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. Either his mom would listen to what he was about to say, or she would refuse to listen to him.

_ What if she got him in trouble? What if she told others of his plan to escape to Tokyo? _

_ No! She would never! _

He shook his head, clearing his thoughts. His mother loved him. Shouyou trusted her with his life.

“I want to leave Hogo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not a very good chapter 😬😬 Sorry for the length, I’ll try making next chapter longer

**Author's Note:**

> I will try to update this every Wednesday or every other Wednesday. :)


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